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  • Writer's pictureLisa

A love letter to my elevated heart rate

As I sit at the RTO (Regional Transport Office) to pass my driver's license, I wonder, what am I feeling nervous about?


Actually it isn't really to be found in the external circumstances, my body sits safely, I have water and can breathe freely - there is no direct threat here - no one is looking to cause me harm (as far as I can tell). I also know I can drive easily, so it isn't really fear of not being good enough or of being incompetent.



What I feel afraid of is my own response to the situation, I am nervous about my physiological reaction, of the feelings that may flood in at any moment. I am anxious about the potential elevated heart rate, the foggy brain, the freeze, the tingling, the muffled unclear sounds, the tightness in the chest and belly. I am scared of the feeling of being out of my body yet uncomfortably supposed to control it.


I experience fear of fear.


So as I sit here and watch the many bored faces, amusing myself by observing my own responses, what can I actively do to invite some peace?


Or perhaps the opposite would outwit my fear? What if I hope to get those above mentioned responses? What if I can invite them? Although this won't necessarily impact those few seconds where they do actually arrive, it may alter the time before and afterwards?


So:

I look forward to meeting you MY LOVELY HEART.

I look forward to feeling you MY LOVELY SKIN.

I look forward to noticing you MY LOVELY EARS.

I look forward to sensing your contractions MY LOVELY MUSCLES.


YOU do your work so well. Thank you and hi!


(This method is inspired by the concept of paradoxical intention developed by psychiatrist Viktor Frankl.)

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